When two people are into each other,
romantically or platonically, there is a sense of
"togetherness" between them reflecting their
intimacy and engagement in the relationship.
If you want to get your relationship back on
track, treating your partner with the
tenderness and kindness you offer your closest
friends may be helpful.
Below are a few suggestions that may help you
recharge your intimate relationship:
Befriending Your Partner
1. When speaking to your partner, listen to the
words you use and the tone of your voice, and
to the attitude you bring to the encounter. If
it's not reflective of the commitment and
intimacy you aspire to, then revamp your
communication style to let your appreciation
show through.
2. Reflect on the varied messages you send your
partner by the way you treat them—and revise,
if needed. Do you show your partner the same
respect that you show your friends? Do you
make a big deal out of your partner's decision
to order a venti caramel macchiato with extra
whipped cream, while you would never say a
word to a friend who went overboard on
calories? If this sounds familiar, reflect on the
"golden rule" and think about how you'd feel if
your partner did these things to you.
3. Encourage your partner in what they do and
refrain from criticizing their efforts. Just as
friends expect you to provide encouragement
and support, so does he or she. Even if you
would rather see a job done right than have
the luxury of not having to do it yourself, be
tolerant of your partner's attempts and accept,
accept, accept .
4. Be patient when your partner is dead-set on
making a mistake no matter how much
foresight, wisdom, and insight you want to
impart. We often laugh indulgently about our
friends who have to learn lessons the hard
way; we need to recognize that our partners
might also need to go that route. (Exceptions
would of course include matters of life and
limb, or potential financial insolvency; but a
little spackle on the wall should be okay.)
5. Offer to be a part of your partner's projects or
hobbies. Don't fake enthrallment, but offering
to find the right screwdriver or go on the
occasional bird walk is something any friend
would do.
6. Avoid unrealistic expectations. If you expect
your partner to tag along on shopping trips,
for example, be willing to do the same for him
or her.
7. If your partner really can't listen to 45 minutes
of "why I hate my job" each night, simply
provide the synopsis. Not all of your friends
like opera.
8. If your partner feels safe enough to open up to
you, respect that trust and don't beat them
down, dismiss their feelings, or tell them to
"move on."
9. If you've got a complaint, share it as you
would with a friend—calmly and rationally,
with care and maybe a little humor.
10. Remember: Romance and sexual desire may
ebb and flow over the course of a relationship,
but friendship and companionship are the
fuels that keeps a couple moving forward.
