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Dr Matthew Valente has seen his share of sticky situations in his
years as a Chicago-based emergency room physician, but none were as
weird as the man who superglued his hand to his penis.
"The night before, the patient was fixing his lamp next to his bed and
he left the superglue tube on the nightstand," Valente explained on an
episode of Sex Sent Me To The E.R. on TLC.
The glue tube just happened to be next to a tube of lubrication he
kept on hand when he and his wife were in the mood for love.
Some time in the middle of the night, the unidentified male and his
wife decided to have sex and he reached for what he thought was the
lubricant.
"Only he went a little too fast, and voila! his hand became stuck to
his penis," Valente said.
It was a sight to behold, according to the good doctor.
"This was a large amount of skin that was affixed together," Valente
said. "There wasn't just a small amount of glue. It wasn't just one
finger. It was, in fact, his entire palm and all his fingers, which
were tightly affixed to his genitals."
The patient's wife was impatient for the man to get his hand off his
sex organs, so Dr Valente started researching ways to remove
superglue.
The most popular suggestion was nail polish remover, a solution that
presented certain risks.
"The problem with that is when you dump acetone on top of a wound that
is partially open, it's incredibly painful," Valente said. "Just the
look in his eyes when I told him that, I could tell he didn't want to
go down that route."
Other options included applying hot, almost scalding water to the glue
or simply waiting for the outer layer of skin to fall off — a process
that might take two to three days.
Valente says the patient's wife wanted the quickest option possible
and didn't seem concerned about how her hubby might feel.
"She was more concerned about making the dinner than his level of
comfort or the fact that he's in excruciating pain because he
superglued his penis," Valente said.
