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Do men have biological clocks? Yes, they do. A man can feel the need
to grow up and have a family, especially when he finds a woman who
inspires those feelings in him. The problem is, how can you be sure
the match is a good one?
You'd think the positive signs in a date would be obvious, but with
all the excitement, the most important clues can be overlooked. What
makes for a great date may not be all you need for a great
relationship. This checklist of positive signs will help you evaluate
your date in a realistic manner. If you get a lot of these positives,
this date might be a good choice for marriage.
1. He has a sense of humor.
Of all the characteristics that are essential for getting through life
successfully a sense of humor has to be in the top ten. Using jokes to
avoid taking responsibility for one's behavior can prevent you from
solving problems. The sense of humor you're looking for is the
generous, positive kind that makes life more fun and the tough times
easier. If your date can make your laugh and lift your spirits that
talent may help you through some future difficulties.
2. He cares about what you think.
A date who asks for and listens to your opinions and feelings, and
better yet, who remembers what you say and builds on it later, and who
responds with empathy, sincerity and caring is someone you can
communicate with and therefore, more likely to be able to form a
partnership with you. If you pay attention, you can quickly notice the
difference between the appearance of caring and real caring. If your
relationship is successful you'll have years of talking to each other
so find someone who is interesting to talk to and also interested in
talking with you. Your date should be able to carry on an interesting
discussion on a variety of topics and at least show interest, even if
the topic is not something he or she is familiar with.
3. He has an opinion, too.
A truly good conversationalist not only listens to your words and
responds but also has ideas and opinions. Your date should not
hesitate to disagree with you or to bring up new topics.
4. He can work things out with you.
Recent research shows that the single most important quality that
determines whether a relationship can succeed is how well the couple
solves problems. If you have a disagreement while dating welcome it as
an opportunity to see how well the two of work it out together. If you
can discuss your differences without becoming defensive or sarcastic,
and you can listen to each other and work together toward a solution,
your relationship has an excellent chance.
5. He accepts who you are.
You and your date are unique, special and individual and need to be
able to understand each other and accept that you'll perceive things
very differently. Even when you and your date see things differently
you should be able to agree to disagree. Remember, the security and
comfort in your relationship will come from where you and your partner
are similar, and the excitement and growth in the relationship are
generated from your differences. Different interests, opinions,
attitudes and ideas will keep things fresh and alive between you. If
your date does not become defensive or threatened by your differences,
you can be interesting to each other for a long time.
6. He is open.
The whole point of dating is to get to know each other. While you both
may want to take a little time before disclosing too much your date
should be comfortable talking about him or herself and it should not
be like pulling teeth to find out what you need to know.
7. He has a life with a job, friends, family relationships and interests.
A date who has a full, interesting life you would want to be a part of
is more likely to be a healthy, balanced person. While it's important
to have some relaxation time and time to meditate or think a life that
includes a good career, hobbies or sports, community service and
friends and/or family is reassurance that your date is motivated,
focused and able to relate.
8. He seeks out knowledge.
Your date doesn't need to be a member of Mensa or a mathematical
genius but look for enough intelligence that you can respect and
admire each other. There are several kinds of intelligence, from
school learning to independent education by reading, working,
traveling and life experiences. An airhead who looks good and may be
fun to play with will not keep you interested for long. A date who is
not interested in learning and growing intellectually may not be able
to keep up over the long haul.
9. His modesty, humility and ego are balanced.
As you learn about this new person you're dating, observe his or her
character and personality for signs of a balanced sense of self. If
your date can keep success and failure in perspective, admit personal
shortcomings, and rise above disappointments and losses, he or she
does have a balanced personality and the kind of resilience that can
travel through life's highs and lows and keep it all in perspective.
10. He is emotionally mature.
While it's fun and charming to be able to be childlike when in a
playful mood, it's essential to be an adult whenever necessary. A date
who is responsible, self-regulating, emotionally responsive,
motivated, and in control of his or her impulses is capable of being a
supportive, fully participating partner no matter what joys and
sorrows, successes and failures you may face in the course of a
lifetime.
11. He has a healthy history of relationships.
Of course, if both of you are dating again, your relationship history
will probably not be perfect. What counts is whether your date has
learned from the problems, confronted his or her own weaknesses and
shortcomings and grown as a result of the setbacks. If your date is
willing to talk openly about his or her past relationships and can
explain what went wrong and how he or she is learning to correct the
problems, the difficulties in past relationships can be an asset
rather than a liability. If your date expresses a willingness to seek
counseling in the event that problems should occur, score that in his
or her favor.
Remember, a smart date will be watching for the same characteristics
in you. To do well in a relationship, learn to be the partner you
would like to be.
